Holy fricken crap. I just scheduled an appt for my oldest to get her learner's permit. How. Did. This. Happen?????? Under what rock have I been hiding to have skipped to THIS part of her life already? It feels like only yesterday that she would fall down the front porch stairs, skin her knees, run to me for comfort and end up falling asleep in my lap. It feels like just the other day that she literally could not turn her light out if I didn't sing the lullaby I wrote for her. It feels like a split second ago that she refused to spend the night at a friend's home because she was afraid her sister would be too lonely without her. It feels like my heart is breaking into a million jagged little pieces.
Flashes of tiny truths blind me daily. I am in the decade of my life that she will leave home and begin her own journey. She will get a serious boyfriend. She will experience earth shattering heartbreak. She will chase success only to find that failure has caught up to her first. She will cry herself to sleep because she finally discovered the wisdom in "don't try to grow up too fast". And I...her incredibly loving but often times too controlling mommy...will be able to do nothing at all to keep these life lessons at bay. She will push through them as I did...with gritted teeth, a refusal to give up and a love of waterproof mascara:)
I hope that as she closes in on the end of her childhood that she appreciates how completely blessed she has been...and always will be. I hope when we drop her off at college we are not dropping her off unarmed to fight off the 101 ways life can shoot you in the face. I PRAY we are putting more ammo in her arsenal so that at any moment she can be ready to fend off the sinister and beguiling curves life can throw you. Simply put: I pray daily that we are teaching her right from wrong and to recognize shades of gray.
I cannot stop my first born from growing into this amazingly fabulous woman I already see before me. But I can prepare her for life by insisting she not take the sunset of her childhood for granted. Take a look around baby girl...drink it in...and know that no matter how many tests you take...how many hearts you break...how many times your own gets broken...how many questions you have that will never have an answer...mommy's lap will always be here. You will never be too old and I will never be too busy to sing you a lullaby.
I love you Kate......(oh and to all Georgia drivers reading this...she makes exceptionally WIDE turns. you have been warned:)
No comments:
Post a Comment