I find few things more challenging than explaining difficult life lessons to my children. Sometimes, there simply aren't any good reasons things happen the way they do. People come into our lives for a quiet while...then leave. And while we know in our heads that the temporary hole that absence leaves within us is for our own good...convincing our hearts is a another story entirely. Still...trying to make sense of the senseless things life can throw our way is hard. Hell...its a nasty enough concept for me to grapple with; much less one's own children. But it must be done.
Recently, one of my daughters has been trying to come to terms with a relationship she has enjoyed with a certain close girlfriend and its tendency to wax and wane. It leans more towards the wane than anything else. Its been a tedious learning process for my girl. She isn't given to the typical teenage angst...so this development has befuddled her just a bit. However, in trying to help her along with the normal growing pains and pangs that a female friendship can sometimes go through...I have also confronted my own issues with it. Quite frankly...it sucks. Girls...both growing and grown...can be some of the nastiest and vile creatures on this planet. It never fails to amaze me how cruel and cut-throat some of these relationships can turn out to be. Thankfully, my daughter has not seen this flip side...yet. But she is getting a taste of how downright silly and juvenile an overabundance of estrogen can be. Trying to guide her through this maze has been headache inducing...to say the least.
Even as adults, we can't seem to escape it. Thank GOD I have a best friend with whom I have shared everything with. She knows me just as well as my husband does. And vice verse. But it wasn't always like that. It took a while and some toe-dipping into the friendship waters to test the current, if you will . And its been only recently that we have divulged every secret to one another. But it was oh-so worth it! This one union has made up for all the sophomoric-middle-school-mentality "friendships" we have both lived through. Its real. Its honest. Its dirty. Its rewarding. And unfortunately, I think you have to sift through a whole lot of rubble before you get to that friendship bedrock. I thank the Lord everyday for her.
So in explaining this theory that my best friend and I share in regards to true companionship...I hope my daughter(s) see the light at the end of the high school tunnel. Sometimes it takes going through the adult trials and tribulations to realize what a best friend should be...what they truly represent. I hope they see that you don't need 12 girls to call your BFF. You just need one you can call on no matter what the situation or time of day or night. And that one is always a God-given-gift...much like our spouses are.
I hate that cattiness and betrayal seem to be a part of the high school journey. It sucks big fat hairy monkey balls. But there is nothing to be done. Its a lesson that must be learned and heeded...like so many other life lessons.
Hug your daughters. They are going through so much more than we ever had to endure. There are so many more pit falls and sink holes for them to disappear into. Make it a little easier on them when they walk through the door. Hug their necks, kiss their foreheads and make sure they KNOW you understand. Make sure there is never any doubt that you have created a soft place for them to fall. Because one day...and not too terribly far off in the future...they will be the ones on the other side of that door. Instill in them now what it means to be a true friend so that they can recognize it in others and in themselves. Remember...great friends make GREATER moms.
