I have this friend. Ok...she's really just more of an acquaintance I met through a friend of a friend. She is a very intelligent, funny, sometimes over-bearing kind of woman. But she's cool...until today...until she went and pissed me off. Now I have to pin her to my blog wall and throw darts at her. But its all in good fun. I am actually really interested in what others think about this issue that she thinks I have...along with about 20 million other woman.
I have a habit...one I do not consider bad in any way, shape or form. I actually think I am being both respectful of my myself and of the people that happen to encounter me during the course of my day. I always...ALWAYS...have my hair styled and make-up on before I step out in public. Now I'm not talking full on run way make-up here. I mean I cover any trouble spots, apply some blush, a little lipstick and my beloved mascara. My hair? Well...its naturally curly, so it does whatever the hell it wants to do. But its big and red and I love it...so I flaunt it.
Over coffee and Bible study, my friend suggested that women who go out of their way to make sure they are always "pretty" have priorities that are misaligned. I'm sorry...what? She insinuated that a woman who spends time doing girly stuff is taking time away from prayer, her husband, her children or community. You MUST be freakin kidding me...right? Please say yes lady. Please tell me you're not serious. I nearly spat my coffee out. I was momentarily speechless! Surely you aren't saying that just because make-up and high heels bring me a joy that apparently Birkenstocks and granola bring to you...that you are somehow better and closer to God than me?
Allow me, if you will, to give you a mental picture of this lady. Think Jamie Lee Curtis + Gloria Steinem + Mother Mary. She's tall, lanky, very outspoken and super duper religious. The woman leads a very spirit filled and knowledgeable Bible study...but she's an odd bird. Not a stitch of make-up...and she only shaves if she has to wear stockings. She has been married to the same man for 30 years and they seem very happy with their four children. But COME ON!!!!! Of course, I interjected respectfully and said something akin to the following. I have to paraphrase myself simply because when I get on a roll...what my husband lovingly calls going-all-julia-sugarbaker-on-someone....I don't always have complete recall as I can sometimes leave my body:)
"I sincerely hope you are not implying that a woman should not embrace her femininity. I very much hope that you aren't saying that a woman should not try to look her absolute best for her husband. Because I gotta tell ya...thats why I do "all this". For Jesse. We are a reflection of one another. If he steps out looking like a some hillbilly freak of nature...that says something. If I step out looking I got dressed at the dump...that says something. And listen up...that "something" isn't good. Because the message isn't for anyone else...it speaks directly to US. He looks nice as often as possible because he loves me and wants me to continue to be attracted to the man I promised my life to. And I make the efforts physically for him because...
#1: I am his wife. His WOMAN. And I want him to be proud of that all of the time.
#2: Emotional and physical affairs are spreading like..well, something that spreads really easily. butter, cream cheese? i digress...I will not allow any other woman an "in" with my man. Every woman that encounters me sees that I take care of myself and that I TRY. I put forth an effort because I want my husband to know...and all other would-be-pursuers of my man...that he is spoken for. Spoken loudly for.
#3: Letting myself go is simply not an option. I want to stay looking and feeling young for as long as I can. Not only for my marriage, but for our children. I want my girls to see that taking pride in how one looks is not a bad thing. We aren't to get bogged down in the minutia of it. But we take care of our temples because doing so shows we are appreciative of what God gave to us.
#4: I want my husband to WANT me. In every single possible way. I don't want his attention diverted. When he sees a beautiful woman, I want him to compare her to me. Not the other way around. I want him to desire me. And if a little make-up and hair gel can do that...coupled with exercise...then that is a mighty small price to pay for knowing my husband looks at me with both love AND desire. As God intended.
#5: I like how I look. I like to look pretty. I like to smell good. I like how my legs look in stilettos. I like how my lips are big and red. How like how my hair is big and red. I like me. And maybe...if you made more of an effort...you would like you a lot more too."
She was neither amused nor in agreement with my Oscar winning diatribe. But whatever. I stand very firm...and tall in my heels...on my point. As wives of husbands who are faced with prolific porn on a daily basis, we have to do something. I am in no way taking responsibility away from the men. If they stray and do something monumentally stupid...they deserve to be flogged. But we cannot forget that our men are visual creatures. They need to like what they see. And if they are looking at the same face, legs and butt for the rest of their lives...as loving wives the least we can do is make sure we are giving them something good to stare at.
I don't think I will be invited back to this Bible study.....
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