I gotta tell ya...I've had better days. Hell...I've had migraines whose company I've enjoyed more than this whole week thus far. I have never been one to mope or worry too terribly much...at least not about the big things. Shamefully, its the little, everyday annoyances that seem to get the best of me. I should have anticipated a biggie when my daily verse this morning centered around 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed."
I am struggling just a touch with a dear friend's perception of me. And by struggling I mean vacillating between the "how dare she" mentality and crying in the bathroom over what is looking like a broken friendship. And by broken I mean into shards...teeny tiny shards of friendship glass that have inevitably scattered under the fridge or stove...making a total healing virtually impossible because you can never ever find every little piece. There are always some pieces that stay lost.
As I spoke to my best friend about this...who is a gift from Jesus akin to my husband and my children... she helped me see roughly the very same lesson that my aforementioned dear husband has always been wont to cling to: "What people think of me is none of my business" Easy for him...he's a man who is perfectly content to have exactly two friends in this world...me and my best friend's husband. And he is so super cool with that, ya just don't even know. My husband has never been one to subscribe to the notion that one should have scads of friends-pals-confidants. His mantra has always been "the fewer people in your trusted inner circle, the better". And I gotta tell ya...The Spy's logic has come to fruition it would seem.
Could it really be true that women who "collect" BFF's are ultimately doomed to collect heart break as well? I don't know. I just don't know. But what I do know is this: apparently I need to face one of my biggest fears...BIRDS.
The last few days I have been re-reading Joyce Meyer's "Battlefield Of The Mind". In her chapter "An Anxious and Worried Mind" she explains that we should look to the birds for a good ole' fashioned slap in the face about worry. Matthew 6:2 shouts "Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth more than they?" Joyce goes on to teach..."If not everyday, then at least every now and then we need to take to observe and remind ourselves how well our feathered friends are cared for. They literally do not know where their next meal is coming from. Yet I have never personally seen a bird sitting on a tree branch having a nervous breakdown due to worry."
Wow. Just wow. God is forever thwopping me upside the head about something. Sometimes He holds my hand so tightly that I am unaware of how strong His grip on my tongue is...I LOVE it when He does that! Sometimes He gives me a verse or a single word that lights my path for the entire day and I have a clarity like I have never known. Or like today...when He shows me...through Joyce Meyer...that while I may hate birds (because they kinda freak me out) He can still give me a powerful lesson on the destructive power and futility of worry...through birds:)
My "Daddy" is so awesome. He never fails to be my armour and my shield against not only Satan but of Earthly trials as well. So my answer to THE enemy or any enemy is quite simple...when faced with the question of "What now?" I will say "I don't know yet what I am going to do in my situation, but God does know and that is good enough for me. He will give me direction at the right time."
As for my friend and what she thinks...there isn't a thing I can do or say. If my head hits the pillow and I know in the deepest parts of me that I am in line with God, my husband and my children...nothing else matters. Perhaps this is just another way that Jesus is helping me align my life with a more simple and authentic path. I certainly know one thing: God knows more and better than me. I am thankful for journeys taken and journeys to come...
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